Honeydukes' Finest
by Seer of Spots
Summary: [oneshot] One morning, Nymphadora Tonks wakes up, and finds she has a bit of a problem on her hands. Or her face... Nothing a little chocolate won't fix!


Honeydukes' Finest.

By Heaven's Flying Fish.

Summary: What's this? A fanfiction so sickly sweet you feel your teeth curling and decaying as you read and so fluffy and light it makes marshmallow look like Acid Pops? Sherbet lemons turn to Cockroach Cluster in you mouth at the sheer sugariness? Yes!

Tell me which summary is better, please!

Rating: G

Genre(s): Humour and mild romance.

A/N: Written forgreenday and hpas they guessed that one of my one shots was about Remus. So what if it was painfully obvious? If any of you have suggestions or requests for oneshots, just ask in an email, personal message or in a review. Please keep in mind that this is the first time I've written anything about Tonks, so… if she's Out Of Character… please tell!

It wasn't originally intended to be about chocolate… that's just how it turned out.

On with the story!

Bring on the mild fluffiness and CHOCOLATE!

o:o:o

Nymphadora Tonks was not a morning person. Most definitely not. She reached her prime at about midday, and didn't come down until at least ten o'clock at night. That was just the way she was. But she was not a morning person. Because every morning she had to suffer through alteration of appearance after alteration of appearance, and it was not fun, to say the least.

Normal people- that is, non-Metamorphmagi –only had to fuss over what outfit they'll wear, and what to do with their hair. For Tonks, it was deciding what shape to make her nose, what colour to have her hair- and what length, style and consistency –how short she'd be, and so on and so on. Also, often after dreams, she would find herself with a rather peculiar array of limbs and features which are most unsettling to discover, early in the morning.

And this is where we find our heroine this morning: pondering just what she was thinking last night as to have acquired a long black moustache and green and orange eyebrows. Her left kneecap was covered in an interesting layer of long blond hair and her nose was the same shape and sherry-red shade of Santa Claus' jolly neb. She frowned at herself in the mirror, before scrunching up her eyes and forcing the moustache away. "Stupid dream… circus… hairy…" she grumbled under her breathe as the last few hairs disappeared. Next, she focused on darkening her eyebrows until they matched and getting her furry knee to right itself. She looked at her nose in the mirror and concentrated hard.

Really hard.

Really, _really_, hard.

But it wasn't changing back! What a dilemma! What a catastrophe! A calamity! A natural disaster! A – okay, I think you're getting the picture.

Still, her nose wasn't changing. Her eyes began to tear up. She sniffled, and her already pink nose darkened to a rather amusing scarlet. A knock on her door interrupted her snivelling and she jumped in surprise.

"Uh – uh, just… wait a second!" She shouted, running around in a frenzy, throwing on a tank top and shorts, before grabbing the closest robe and pulling it on on top. Not bothering to tie it up, she stared into the mirror and changed her hair into a bright aquamarine bob that she ribboned hurriedly into a ponytail.

She took a last embarrassed look at her rather bulbous nose, before running to the door and wrenching it open.

"Hello!" she gasped, ushering the person in as she attempted to catch her breath. "I was just getting dressed – had a couple of problems with the – Remus! Hello!"

Remus stared warily at her and fought the sudden urge to step away from the rapidly talking woman. "Hello…?" he tried, a little afraid of unbalancing her further.

"Hello!" she replied brightly. Remus slowly noticed what she was wearing and Tonks blushed ferociously before grabbing her robe and tying it closed. A light pink shade came over Remus face, and he waited until she was quite ready before he spoke.

"Well, Nympha –"

"Tonks! Tonks, Remus!"

" –dora, I came to – are you quite alright?" He looked concernedly down at her as she attempted to hold a hand over her face without looking suspicious. She failed, of course, as it wasn't often that she held onto her face in fear.

"Uh – heh heh, yes?" She squeaked nervously. _Oh, relax! What is wrong with you?_ she scolded herself. _It's Remus, for the love of_ – she slowly lowered her hand and Remus gazed at her pityingly.

"Things didn't go quite right this morning, eh?" He asked playfully, examining the sheer size of her snout.

"Um, no," she stated lamely, feeling her face burning. She felt like a highschool girl, and she knew she was acting like one, too. "I just concentrated and concentrated, but nothing would make it go away!" She sniffed loudly, and, to her horror, she realised that she was crying. Remus looked around awkwardly, before patting her on the head in an attempt to be comforting without getting too close. His meagre efforts were wasted, however, when Tonks launched herself at him, bawling her eyes out.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and sobbed, loud, honking, hiccuping sobs. Remus, with some difficulty, managed to waddle to a couch in the living room, and manoeuvre himself and his extra attachment into a reasonably comfortable sitting position.

"It's not fair!" she wailed into his chest as he stroked her hair.

"What isn't fair, Tonks?"

She looked up at him with big, bloodshot eyes, eyes, Remus noticed, that had mismatched irises – something that Tonks had missed that morning. She sniffed. "This isn't my nose!" she cried. "I tried as hard as I could to make it change – and it wouldn't! I was trying to make it my nose again, but I couldn't focus! I couldn't picture in my mind what it was!" She burrowed deeper into his arms, and a quiet, muffled mumble slowly floated up to Remus ears.

"I can't remember what my nose looks like, Remus…"

Remus bit his lip and closed his eyes. He detached one of his arms from the crying figure, to stuff his hand in his mouth. But nothing would stop it. He was shaking and tears streamed from his eyes. Tonks looked worriedly up at her love. He couldn't hold it anymore. He exploded.

Tears ran down his cheeks as he rocked with mirth on the couch. He slapped his knew with his hand as he laughed, great shouting bursts of laughter that tore at his hoarse voice. Soon, the loud noises trembled off into painful, silent quivering, that sent the whole couch vibrating. Tonks stood up, indignant.

"It's _not funny_!" She shouted, watching her closest friend wheeze with joy as a response. "It's _not_!" Though, she felt her lips quirk upwards, try as she might to hold them down – his laughter was contagious. She had never seen him lose control like this before.

Slowly his raucous behaviour wound down and he gasped for breath. "Sorry –" he panted, looking apologetically at her pouting figure. "Sorry. It's just the way you said it – 'I can't remember what my nose looks like,' – it was just so outrageously hilarious. I'm sorry."

"So you should be," Tonks huffed, mock-glaring at her would-be-boyfriend.

"Okay, maybe I can help…" he looked thoughtfully off into the distance for a while. "Okay… do you have any chocolate? That always helps?"

"I swear you are addicted to that stuff," Tonks grumbled, but went into the kitchen, returning moments later with "the stuff". Honeydukes' finest. Remus' favourite. She had a cupboard filled with it.

"Mmm, Honeydukes' finest," Remus said predictably as Tonks showed him the bar. Tonks rolled her eyes and glared pointedly at him. "Okay, calm down. Now, break of a generous piece… generous… generous, I say! Bigger than that! Here!" He grabbed the slab from her and snapped the equivalent of four or five rows of muggle chocolate from the brick. "Now, get some for yourself –"

"Remus!" Tonks said, playfully whapping him around the back of the head with the block of chocolate. Hard. Remus winced and rubbed his skull where the sugary substance had connected with a resounding crack.

"Ow…"

"Oh, I'm sorry! You know how clumsy I am! That was a lot harder than I meant! Does diddums want 'ums to kiss it better –"

"Ums?" Remus added sarcastically. "Just eat your chocolate," he ordered. She pulled the piece out that had broken after its rather…forceful meeting with Remus' head, and chewed on it.

"Mm? Now what?" she asked, through a mouthful of chocolate.

"I'm not really sure," Remus mused, nibbling on his cocoa supplement. "I didn't get passed the chocolate…"

Tonks rolled her eyes and when to cuff him over the head again, remembering just in time what had happened last time.

"Okay," Remus tried again, after some silent pondering time. "Concentrate, but not too hard on a nose you know really well. Eat the chocolate and just think."

And she did. Remus was absorbed in his chocolate, and Tonks sat dreaming about a nose she knew only too well. She slowly felt the change come over her and her facial appendage slowly changed shape. She finished eating the rest of the chocolate – the rest of the bar – and waited 'til Remus had finished his "generous" piece. She tapped him on the shoulder.

"I did it! It must have been the chocolate!" She said giddily.

Remus looked at her oddly; cocked his head and stared intently at the middle of her face. His gaze slowly shifted to her eyes and a smile grew, creeping up his cheeks and into his eyes.

"Is that my nose?" he asked, and Tonks blushed, stalking off in search of another bar of Honeydukes' finest.

o:o:o


End file.
